I see myself as a strong, capable, 30-something woman with the ability to care for myself – financially, physically and (for the most part) emotionally. Shoot, I packed up and moved across the country…by myself. I feel pretty darn good about where I am in life these days.
So, when I really think about my biggest fear as a single person, I have a moment of doubt in my strong, capable self. (Note: I said moment.)
I’m not afraid of being alone. I don’t think I will every be truly alone. I have amazing friends and family who I know will always be there for me. I’m not afraid of not having children because women are having children later in life, adoption is an option I believe in and I would love, love, love to work with foster children. Also, I’m a nurturer by nature so I always find someone to take care of. In the past, I thought a big wedding would be the greatest day of my life but as I get older, I realize there is so much more I want to do with the money spent on a wedding.
I think my biggest fear at this moment is being hurt again. I’ve had 3 two-year relationships that have not ended well. The 3rd one was absolutely devastating. So devastating that I have only dated two people in the last three years. I’m pretty sure the last time I was this single, I was 12 years old. I’ve gone a year before….but three years – crazy.
I am so scared to put myself out there again to be devastated. What happens if I have another two-year relationship that ends horribly? Then I’m a single, sad, 37-year-old. Or what if I put myself back out there and decide to date again, and no one wants to be with me. Then I’m a single, sad, 35-year-old.
Why do I want to upset the delicate balance of this awesome, single 35-year-old?
I believe there is a bigger picture out there than what I can see. That one day I will have my “ah-ha” moment where I will realize all of my triumphs and tribulations were just pieces in this beautiful puzzle.
I have faith that one day I will be less-scared and will move forward. But today, I’m focused on being awesome.
Until tomorrow, be awesome my friends!