I have been looking forward to this post for so long! I was even going to post the scene from Sex and the City where the ladies have this exact same conversation about their SSB (Secret Single Behavior). However, I can’t find the clip on the interwebs and don’t know how to do it on my computer….since I own the entire series.

You’re just going to have to trust me.

There are a few things that aren’t exactly secret that I find quirky about myself. I can’t sleep without a fan on. I hate wearing makeup and remove it as soon as I get home. If I could wear my hear in a Pebbles Flintstones ponytail at all times, I would be ecstatic. I love to cut my cuticles and do so several times a week.

One thing that I’ve never done with a boyfriend is my cookie thing. I’ll buy a package of the break and bake chocolate chip cookies. They have to be Pillsbury, not Toll House or Trader Joe’s.  I’ll bake 4-6 of them in the evening and camp out of the couch and eat them while they are warm. I don’t do this every night but there are times a girl just needs her cookies.

There are two very important reasons why this is an SSB. First, I’m afraid he might judge me. You know, I have a few extra lbs and I know cookies do not help this issue. I don’t need the judgement. But the best/real reason – I don’t want to share. These are my 4-6 warm, chocolate chip cookies and I want them all.

My secret it out!! Stay tuned….

Cutting my list to 5….how can I ever do that? Here it goes…

1. He has to get me. Like really get me. And likes the me that he gets. He will love that I snort at times when I laugh. And when I’m really tickled (or had a few cocktails), my laughter turns to tears. He has to tolerate, or better yet, enjoy my love of car dancing. He has to love me being lazy and love me being active. He has to  get my drama, sarcasm, snarkiness. He has to get me.

2. I need to be important to him. We need to be important to him. He needs to be important to me. We need to be important to me. It sounds so simple but it’s been a long time since this has been a priority to me.

3. A family man. Family must be important to him. And it has to be important that my family is important to me. I’ve had too many relationships where it’s a choice – his family or my family. I want both. I’m all about compromise.

4. He has to have a healthy outlet that has nothing to do without me. Softball, golf, running group, whatever, just a healthy outlet that allows for a healthy relationship.

5. Faith in a higher power. I’m not sure what’s out there so I refer to it as ‘the universe”.  When I’m really feeling spiritual, I speak to God. I need him to believe there is something out there bigger than us.

And because I am an overachiever:

6. Laughter – laugh at me, laugh with me, laugh at yourself – laughter has and will continue to be a part of my life!

Still catching up! More soon!

As I said in Day 6, I’m exactly where I am supposed to be.

However, I always thought that you met your soul mate in college, married shortly after, rocked a successful career, starting having babies, and lived happily ever after.

Then I graduated, single and with a degree I had no idea what to do with so, there’s that.

I shifted my priorities from the perfect man to the perfect career. This meant changing jobs and professions more times than I should admit. I went back to school…twice. I now have all of this education (that’s I’ll be paying for until I’m 80) and all this experience and still have no idea what I’m doing professionally.

Since college, I’ve dated two men who seriously. One I pushed away by focusing more on getting married than being a good girlfriend. The other was an alcoholic who I tried to save. Both would have made me pretty miserable if it had worked out.

Since college, I’ve always wanted to live out of Indiana. First, it was California, then Florida, then Washington D.C. But when it was finally a good time to “make the move” something came up. And for quite a few years it was a new niece or nephew. Of course, I couldn’t live thousands of miles away from them – how would they ever know me.

I’ve really been putting myself first the last few years which is definitely not like me. I’ve stopped looking for excuses. I’ve stopped making excuses. And I’m exactly where I am supposed to be.

I believe that every woman, every person for that matter has the exact life they want. We all make choices in our life and at this moment are in the exact spot we want to be – whether we are discussing love, work, friends. We make a choice to be date or not to date. We make a choice to live in Indiana or California. We make a choice to allow people to continue to walk all over us or we can stand up.

Every person has the exact life they want.

I’m a bit off schedule but should be able to catch up. Until next time…

Top 3 Biggest Misconception:

1. As single women we sit at home alone every night, crying into our pillow, eating bon bon’s and wishing on every star for the perfect man to magically appear in our life. We must be desperate and depressed and overall miserable.

2. Single women are broken and unlovable. There must be something we are doing to turn men away. Is it the hump that we are able to hide all the time…except when men are around? Maybe it’s the psycho way that we run every man out of our life by being obsessive and controlling. I mean, 35 year-old and single, there must be a BIG ISSUE here.

3. Single women will date anyone…because we’re single. Sure, set me up with your second cousin with bad teeth and a dozen children by a dozen different women. I’m single so of course that’s the man I want even though you know good and well bad teeth are a deal breaker for me.

I’m pretty sure I could continue this list for days but I don’t want to look like a cynical, lonely, broken single person.

Until tomorrow,
Pam

Whoa…this is an intense question.

I see myself as a strong, capable, 30-something woman with the ability to care for myself – financially, physically and (for the most part) emotionally. Shoot, I packed up and moved across the country…by myself. I feel pretty darn good about where I am in life these days.

So, when I really think about my biggest fear as a single person, I have a moment of doubt in my strong, capable self. (Note: I said moment.)

I’m not afraid of being alone. I don’t think I will every be truly alone. I have amazing friends and family who I know will always be there for me. I’m not afraid of not having children because women are having children later in life, adoption is an option I believe in and I would love, love, love to work with foster children. Also, I’m a nurturer by nature so I always find someone to take care of. In the past, I thought a big wedding would be the greatest day of my life but as I get older, I realize there is so much more I want to do with the money spent on a wedding.

I think my biggest fear at this moment is being hurt again. I’ve had 3 two-year relationships that have not ended well. The 3rd one was absolutely devastating. So devastating that I have only dated two people in the last three years. I’m pretty sure the last time I was this single, I was 12 years old. I’ve gone a year before….but three years – crazy.

I am so scared to put myself out there again to be devastated. What happens if I have another two-year relationship that ends horribly? Then I’m a single, sad, 37-year-old. Or what if I put myself back out there and decide to date again, and no one wants to be with me. Then I’m a single, sad, 35-year-old.

Why do I want to upset the delicate balance of this awesome, single 35-year-old?

I believe there is a bigger picture out there than what I can see. That one day I will have my “ah-ha” moment where I will realize all of my triumphs and tribulations were just pieces in this beautiful puzzle.

I have faith that one day I will be less-scared and will move forward. But today, I’m focused on being awesome.

Until tomorrow, be awesome my friends!

The other night I was just scrolling through my twitter feed and noticed a few tweets from the lovely Miss Mandy Hale a.k.a. The Single Woman. And after searching further, I found this 30-Day Blogging Challenge. And I thought….what a better way to break my writers block than by writing about something I know very well….being single. So, I’m in.

It started on October 4th so I will be blogging day 1-3 in this post….then one a day going forward. Ready? Me too!

“Just waiting on the right one” is my typical answer. But honestly, I’ve picked so many “non-winners” in the past few years that I am super scared to even put myself out there again. If Mr. Right wants me, he is going to have to show up at my door and introduce himself as Mr. Right, with a list of qualifications and then be patient enough to come back every day because I will most likely close the door in his face.

Weddings are horrible! I avoid them like the plague. I’m so happy for my friends and family that are getting married and I love be surrounded by so much love. And I haven’t always hated weddings. I loved going to weddings in my early 20s with a group of girls or random boyfriends. You know, where there were typically more singles than couples. These days, singles at wedding are children or kids in their 20s.

My favorite single moment(s) will probably sound extremely selfish…but I love sleeping in the middle of the bed. While I do enjoy the company of a man in the bedroom, I do enjoy the ability to sleep right in the middle of the bed, with all the covers and as late as I want – without judgement.

Not only am I loving this challenging, I love the graphics which totally stole from Miss Mandy’s web site – thesinglewoman.net.

Until tomorrow!
Pam