The recap you’ve all been waiting for…..right? HA! I think the real reason I’m even putting this out onto the interwebs is so I can laugh at it next year when I dominate this race. And yes, for all my pity partying, whining and complaining, I am planning on doing it again. And will make it my bitch. Tough talk for a race that’s 50 weeks away!

Let’s start with race morning….
Up on time – check.
Gear ready to go – check.
Water, water and more water – check.
Cat nearly biting off my finger – check.
Running out the door five minutes later after making sure I didn’t need stitches and bandaging my finger – Check. (P.S. I was secretly  hoping to drive to the ER rather than the Mini Marathon. Pathetic – Check.)

The drive downtown from the northside of Indy was good….until 52nd street. Then people just got stupid. So I took the back way, so did many of the stupid people.

Finally, parked at IUPUI and headed toward the starting line. I was in corral Q but my friends were in X so I had decided the week before to start with them.

Hey – do you know how large a 35,000 race is with spectators? About 20 minutes and just over a mile (I’m estimating) later, I’m in corral X. With no friends. Then the texting begins.

Me: “I’m in corral X under the St. Elmo’s sign.”
Niki: “Are you on the right or left side.”
Me: “I have no idea. I’m under the St. Elmo’s sign.”
Niki: “We’re on the left.”
Me: “I’m under the St. Elmo’s sign. Oh no, we’re moving.”

They finally found me. (I was on the right.)

The gun went off. And 35 minutes later we crossed the starting line. (35,000 runners/walkers = bat shit insane)

My Race Plan
Jog 1/4 mile. Walk 3/4 mile. Every mile. Keep it simple. Don’t die. Finish.

Mile 1
I felt amazing. I was with my friends. I was digging the crowd. I was loving the music. And at .4 miles, I walked and let the girls go on. Smartest thing I did all day.

Mile 2
Have I mentioned that 35,000 people are a lot of people? I’m bobbin’ and weavin’ like it was my job. And stuck with  my race plan.

Mile 3
WAHOOO!!!! I just finished a 5K. I’m so almost done! Wait, I have to finish 3 more of those plus some. Crap. Well, keep moving.

Mile 4
I seriously have to pee. And there are long lines at the port-o-lets. I really hate port-o-lets. This was the first mile I walked completely. I had thought I would run again. That would be a lie.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words so I’ll show you my splits from my Garmin. Then I’ll give you some highlights….that I remember.

Worth a thousand words.

Mile 6 (Indianapolis Motor Speedway)
Just before finishing mile 6, I had to stop and pee. We were inside the track. There were real potty’s. My shorts were relatively comfortable prior to this break. They were never the same after. Have I mentioned yet that it was HOT? And humid? And muggy? I could have probably peed in my shorts and no one would have been the wiser. (Teasing, kind of)

Mile 7 (Indianapolis Motor Speedway)
Good God – how on Earth do these drivers, pit crews, etc work on this track in MAY and AUGUST? I need to call my cousin’s husband or give him a big hug next time I see him (he’s on Carl Edward’s pit crew – I’m kind of famous-in-law – not really – I digress). But seriously, crazy hot. When I’m typically at the track, I’m in the shade or the bleachers with a cold beverage in my hand. Side note – I think I wrote this part of the blog in my head while walking mile 7. I came up with famous-in-law. It made me giggle out loud. Totally not weird, right?

Mile 8 (Indianapolis Motor Speedway)
This is where the infamous mug shot front page shot was taken. This was also the moment I almost quit (#1). And the moment they put out the yellow caution flags because of the heat. I’ve mentioned the heat, right? And one of the many moments I thought I would die.

Mile 9
Shade – sweet Jesus – Shade. And then, it was gone. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a nasty blister on the ball of my foot.

Mile 10
I’m pretty sure that nasty blister on the ball of my foot just popped. Not pretty sure, confirmed. I could stop now (almost quit moment #2). No one would fault me. This hurts like a son-ov-a. Then, I decide to suck it up. I try making friends someone to chat with, but everyone around me is bitter and hot and tired.

Mile 11
My music was the only thing that got me through. And the kind people who live along 10th street spraying us with their hoses. Those people ROCK!

Mile 12
We turned onto the bridge to cross the White River to the finish line. I heard angels singing. The birds were chirping. There were rainbows and puppy dogs. And then it just kept going….on….and on…..and on…..I swear it was the cruelest of cruel jokes. The last mile was at least 10 or 11 miles. So really, I think I completed a marathon.

Mile 13
So you’d think .1 mile would be super easy. There was no amount of money, no handsome man, no golden ticket that would have persuaded me to run that last tenth of a mile. I did manage to lift my arms, kind of, when crossing. I had finished.

Once crossing the finish line, I did not stop. I knew that the moment I stopped was the location my body would be in for the next few hours. Water, cookie, picture – now I needed to find my friends.

Niki – “My phone is almost dead. Call Chris.”
Me – “I’m done. Where are you?”
Chris – “B2”
Me – “I have no idea what that means.”
Chris (Now Niki) – “Where are you?”
Me – “Standing under a tree. I see B1 and B4.”
Chris/Niki – “I don’t know where that is.”
Me – “I’m not moving. I’m standing under the B1 sign. Come get me.”

They found me and I sat under a tree with my friends while we waited for a couple others.

We finished.

We took a picture.
I walked slowly to my car.
I called my mom to ask her to order me a pizza. She agreed.
I showered. Ate pizza. And slept all afternoon.

And I will look back on this post in one year and giggle.

The OneAmerica 500 Festival Mini Marathon race and recap is complete. Now I can stop thinking about it!