Hard-Headed

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As a Taurus, I am very hard-headed, as in stubborn.

As I learned yesterday, I literally am hard-headed.

Picture it (channeling my inner Sophia Petrillo), Noblesville, 2012, a young girl (I’m still young at 33, right?) was hurrying to unload a car full of groceries. It was a warm day but very, VERY windy. With a bag of cat food and case of diet coke in one hand, trying to stop tissue paper from flying out of the trunk while picking up laundry detergent, the trunk lid closed. On my head. Um….ouch!

After finding my vision again, I went inside sure that I had blood gushing from my head. I didn’t lose consciousness, but the world was fuzzy for awhile and I had to take a knee for a few seconds before carrying loot inside.

I checked for blood. Then checked my teeth because they came together pretty hard. Then I freaked out. In a matter of minutes, I had a HUGE goose egg on my forehead. So I did what every drama queen does, Googled concussion (WebMD is my friend).

So, I calmed myself down, had a bite to eat, iced my head and fell asleep. I woke up after about an hour, freaking out! You’re not supposed to sleep with a concussion. So I called in reinforcements – my mom.

Mom: Hello.

Me: How do you know if you have a concussion?

Mom: (HEAVY SIGH) What did you do?

Me: (Repeat story above.)

Mom: Do you feel dizzy, have any sight issues, running into walls?

Me: No, No, and I always run into walls.

Mom: Have you slept? (She knows me too well!)

Me: Yes.

Mom: Did you wake up?

Me: Um, yes.

Mom: You’re probably fine but call me in the morning to let me know you woke up.

Now, this should have reassured me. But it just made me question my every move. And again, being the drama queen that I am, set my alarm for every two hours to make sure I actually wake up. But I didn’t sleep much wondering how long I’ve been laying there. About 6 a.m., I fell asleep. My alarm went off at 7:30 for a 9:00 meeting.

At the 7:30 alarm, I decided I’m too  tired! If I don’t wake up, fine! I just want to sleep! I sent a text to cancel my meeting, sent a text to my Mom saying I was alive and went to sleep…..until noon. I stay up all night to make sure I wake up then sleep all day! Serious issues here people!

And to top it all off, there is no bruise. I was expecting some sort of war wound. No bruise, goose egg gone, still a little tender but other than that – nothing. Guess I’m hard-headed literally and figuratively!

Have you ever had a concussion? Does checking WebMD help or freak you out more?

Define Victory

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Since I’ve started this blog, I’ve been very reading lots of other blogs. One blog that I’ve recently stumbled upon is by Seth Godin. Seth is a author, marketing guru, entrepreneur and blogger. A few weeks ago, I subscribed to his blog. Today’s blog, titled Declaring Victory, really got my attention and I highly recommend reading it.

I made my project list (aka resolutions) a few weeks ago. But did I actually define what victory or completion of those projects looks like? In most cases, I think I have a pretty clear victory point. And a pretty clear failure point.

Where this blog really hit home with me is in my job search. What does victory look like? Just any job? Lots of money? A new career? More school? I have no idea. I’ve been a “slog”. I think I’ve known for awhile that I’ve been slogging along from some time now. For whatever reason, reading this blog made sense.

Guess it’s time to define victory! Wish me luck!

Biggest Loser – Season 13 – Week 2

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I’ve toyed with the idea of doing a weekly recap but there are entirely too many of those on the interwebs. That being said, I do have a few opinions to express regarding this weeks episode (Aired Tuesday January 10, 2012) . And since this is my blog, I reserve the right to voice my opinion.

Gambling

Really Biggest Loser? Really? Obviously the contestants have indulgence issues, let’s not add gambling to the list. Cool idea – yes, but not really. And really red team? 94 pounds? Week 2? You might want to Hulu a previous season of the show.

Tobacco

In my humble opinion, when you walk through that gate, you should be tobacco and alcohol free. Sure, smokers should use the patch or some sort of aid to quit. Watching Mike with chewing tobacco really made me wonder what else the contestants get away with. If I go to the ranch with a chocolate addiction, do I get to eat chocolate until I decide to quit? No. I will learn ways to crave less chocolate or eating minimal chocolate to be healthy.

Bob v. Dolvett

Make weight loss, not war!

Oy vey, Biggest Loser, I hope that you are just editing to create drama because if Bob Harper actually is so arrogant to believe that these are “his” workouts, I may stop watching. Oh, and hey Bob, obviously your training style works and that’s the idea right, to lose weight? And isn’t imitation the biggest form of flattery?

Bob and Jillian worked because they had the same training style, she just cussed more, which was entertaining. (Man, I miss her!) The trainers should be a united front to help the contestants lose weight. If y’all don’t like each other personally or professionally, that’s cool. We all work with people we don’t necessarily like but we don’t show it, we act like professionals.

The message that Bob sent this week was if you lose a weigh-in you should pout about it and be a complete ass. What happened to being happy with a negative number in dreaded week 2? If this attitude continues, I will rename the show “Sore Loser”. Get your head out your ass Bob. K – Thanks!

Bottom Line

For this Biggest Loser fan, it’s not going to be a pretty season. I haven’t found a contestant I love yet. I hate that one team wasn’t allowed onto the ranch. Bob is being a butt-head. Everything feels (or is edited) very negative and that is not conducive to weight loss.

Enough of my rant! Happy Friday the 13th!

New Year, New Do

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Things have been a bit crazy since my letter to the Universe last week. And yes, the Universe is still messing with me on a consistent basis. But I don’t want to write about all that just yet!

I’ve been putting off getting a hair cut because my fundage has been quite low. I was due in December but decided to wait until yesterday. I’m religious about getting at least a trim every 6-8 weeks so waiting until 10 weeks was torture! I had also been toying with the idea of chopping it all off.

See, even in December I was dreaming of the great chop!

(Note to self: Must learn to make these images more clear in the near future.)

So last night was the great chop. And as you can see, I got lots of great advice.

I did not go with the buzz cut!

(Note to self: Seriously, figure it out!)

As you might be able to read in my blurry image above, my only requirement was a pony tail. And Miss Joni did not fail me. I have never felt so comfortable with a stylist. I just come in, sit down, give her minimal direction and get great hair every time! I wanted to get a picture of the massive amount of hair on the floor but she was afraid I might freak out a bit so it was swept up before I could snap one. It was a good 4-5 inch cut. I’m pretty sure I lost a solid 2 pounds and will take 10 seconds off my mile time with the new do – totally reasonable, right?

Look at that little nubbin! So cute!

Unfortunately, I’m no good at styling my hair the day after I get it cut. You’ll have to wait for a glamor shot!

Do you get your “hair did” regularly or very rarely? Regular stylist or new every time? Planning any extreme makeovers?

Dear Universe

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Dear Universe,

You are currently being quite the pain. I get close to making a decision and you bring me a reason to second guess it. I would appreciate a clear, concise path and you are just not cooperating. This has been a stressful few months – can you please just give me a break? Trying to follow your signs is like trying to navigate the Autobahn.

Sincerely,

Pam

P.S. However, thank you for the 60 degree day in January. I loved running in shorts today! Feel free to keep that streak up!

2012 Project List

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Resolutions? To-do lists? Goals? What do you choose to call them?

This year I’m going with Projects. I’ve spent the last two years as a project manager and this is where I feel the most comfortable. Resolution always feels so HUGE and daunting. Projects can be huge ; however they are broken down into steps or stages for completion. I know for a fact I can juggle multiple projects. And I feel accomplishment by completing different stages/tasks for a project.

Project #1 – Be nicer to myself. I am incredibly hard on myself. I am harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else. I hold myself to complete unrealistic expectations. I have a great vision of who I should be and when my actual actions don’t meet that vision, I give myself one heck of a talking to! I’m going to do this by:

  • Setting more realistic expectations for everything in my life.
  • Forgive myself quickly when I don’t meet those expectations. No one is perfect.
  • My past is just that, past. Why relive it? I can’t do anything about it. Just forgive, find the lesson and move on. Stop analyzing past events – pushing people away, staying too long, missing an opportunity. If it was supposed to be, it would be. Letting go will be huge for me this year.
  • Be true to myself. (See Project #2)

Project #2 – Be true to myself and like myself for who I am. Sounds simply, huh? I’ve been trapped in this mindset that I have to be more than I am which leads me to making plans that I don’t want to keep, which leads to anxiety and then beat myself up (Project #1). This vicious cycle has to stop. Below are some things I need to learn to embrace and be proud of because they are ME:

  • I’m a homebody. And I’m happy being a homebody. I’m happy to stay home, watch a movie, read a book, chat with friends, etc. When I am alone, I am not lonely (most of the time). It really is ok.
  • I don’t have 400 friends who want to hang out all the time and I am A-OK with this. I have a handful of amazing true friends that would be there for me in a second and I would for them. I do need to make a more conscious effort to see them/reach out more in 2012.
  • I do like to go out – lunch, dinner, drinks, movies, etc. I’m no longer a “clubber”. I don’t want to drink so much I can’t function the next day. Small, intimate gatherings are perfect. Outings with a purpose – such as watching My Kentucky Wildcats win another NCAA championship on the big screen at a local pub, celebrating birthdays, weddings, psychic readings etc.
  • I like to sleep. No, it’s not depression, just sleep. And currently, I’m unemployed. If  I want to sleep until 11 every day, I will. And I will still get everything done that I need to – promise!
  • I’m a planner! I’m OCD sometimes. Love it or don’t – it is what it is. And sometimes I get that overwhelmed by to do lists, it happens. Sometimes I try to take over (the world), it happens.
  • I eat like crap. I love cheese, queso, bread, wine, beer, cookies, pizza, diet coke – I could go on here all day. I will never be vegan or vegetarian. I know I should try to eat better. And I do eat better. Sometimes. And that’s probably how it will stay, for now.
  • I hate dating. I’m taking my profiles off of the multiple dating websites that are doing me absolutely no good. I’m going to trust that when my Prince Charming is ready for me, he’ll find me.

Project #3 – Run like the wind! Or at least a gently breeze. And do lots of other workouts too!

  • I will run a race every month (except January).
  • My goal pace is a 12 minute mile.
  • I will take 40-60 minutes off my half marathon pace. Currently it’s 3:23 (I walked most of it.) I’d like to finish the Indianapolis Mini Marathon in May with a time of 2:23 – 2:40.
  • I will run a 5k in 35 minutes or less. I’m currently at 41.01.
  • I will purchase new shoes before I start hard-core training in February. Shoes made specifically for running.
  • I will log 500 miles in 2012 with my fancy new Garmin 405.
  • I will attend 100 fitness classes. (I pay for the stupid gym – might as well use it!)

Project #4 – Grow this fancy little blog. And by grow, I mean let someone else know about it besides my mom. (HI MOM!!)

  • I will blog 2-4 times a week.
  • I will determine the actual theme of this blog – fitness, weight-loss, random pam-isms. So many possibilities.
  • I will figure out how to get noticed, gain followers – I have no idea who to do this but I will figure it out. Maybe I’ll even blog about it! HA!
  • I will comment on at least 5 other blogs per week.
  • I will become a better writer. I’m sure there are tons of errors in these posts and I will get better! (This is my plea to keep reading through my grammatical errors. Thanks!)

Project #5 – Find a job/gainful employment/go back to school/move out-of-state/decide not to move out-of-state/stop living in the land of limbo. (Don’t worry mom, these projects are not in order of importance!) The limbo has to stop. I need a clear direction.

  • I will have clear direction by February 1, 2012. Promise.

As I reread this, I noticed two themes that I typically resolve in January that are not specifically included this year – Weight loss and love. I’ve decided these will come. Once I’m right with me, the rest will follow.

2012 is the year of the Pam! Hope you stick around to see the completed projects!

What are your resolutions, goals, to-dos, projects? Do you make them? Do you stick to them?

My Year in Review

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2011 was definitely a year of highs and lows.

January

  • Work was busy, busy, busy.
  • I had decided to end an abusive relationship in late 2010. However, he promised to get help so I hung on. But in January, it was really over and I was devastated. Because work was so busy, I decided not to process anything.

February

  • Icepocalypse 2011 – Trapped in my lonely apartment for 3 days, now plenty of time to process the death of my relationship. Not pretty. Not pretty at all. Probably the lowest I have ever been in my entire life.
  • Trip to San Francisco to see my wonderful friends Amber and Greg. Monterrey Bay, Chinese New Year Parade, Napa – Just want  I needed!

Seriously, it looks like I belong in Napa - right?

March

  • Moved in with a roommate – not best friends but I’m rarely alone. Plus a huge cost savings!
  • A wonderful weekend adventure with Renee to Camp Chesterfield with 3 psychic readings!
  • My very good friend Nicole’s bachelorette party.

April – Birthday Month (Yes, I get an entire month!)

  • My University of Kentucky Wildcats made it to the final four! We’ll be in the final game this year (fingers crossed).
  • Trip to Florida with my BFF Crystal including a visit with Toni, Alex, Emma and Annie!
Toni – One of my favorite people on the planet.
  • MY BIRTHDAY – Also known as my favorite holiday!
  • Nicole and Eric’s wedding.

May

  • A few dates, nothing promising, but at least I was dating again!
  • Remember how work was so busy, well it wasn’t in May – I was laid off.
  • I decided to become a gypsy – you have something you need done, I’ll do it! Babysitting, moving, packing, unpacking, QuickBooks setup, tradeshows, sales….you get the idea.
  • Fell in love with running!!

June

  • Fell in love with hot yoga!
  • Lots of laying by the pool.

July

  • Motley Crue/Poison Concert – Never in a million years did I ever see myself attending this concert. Not my scene, but fun!
  • Discovery of lefty.
  • More laying by the pool.

August

  • Girls trip to Nashville with my 4 best friends from high school!

    In the hotel lobby before the fun. You're welcome girls!

  • My very first attempt at a 5K run. (Not very successful.)
  • Decided I was going to run/walk a half marathon.
  • Jimmy Buffett Concert

Wasting away again in Margariettaville!

September

  • Blues at the Crossroads Half Marathon – Terre Haute, Indiana

I wanted to finish within the 4 hour time limit. And finish I did. I was slow but so proud!

  • Ladies and Gentlemen – Mr. Elton John! This is the 5th time I’ve seen Sir Elton in concert! However, this time I was literally 5 feet from the man! And I took my mom, aunt and BF, Nicole. So flippin’ awesome!

This picture was taken from my craptacular phone with no zoom. We were that close!

  • My baby brother turned 30!!!

October

  • Completely taken advantage of my one of my gypsy clients. I did nothing but work for this woman for peanut during the month of October. Lessons learned – boundaries, learning to say no, self-respect!
  • Freak out – my gypsy client was my main source of income. When we parted ways, I lost my income.

November

  • Miss Pam needs a job STAT! Let the job search begin….
  • Another race, Goose Poop Challenge with Heather McMahon.

And we're running!

  • Matt and Chris’s Wedding!
  • The worst interview in the history of the world! (I may have to post on this later.)
  • Wishbone 5K run Thanksgiving morning.

December

  • Still job searching…..
  • Surviving the holiday season.
  • Planning for a A-MAZ-ING 2012! (Resolutions to come!)

How would you classify 2011? Good? Bad? Challenging? Best Year Ever?

One Race or Two?

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My goal was to get my 5k time down around 35-38 minutes by the end of the year. (My most recent attempt was 41:38.) I’ve been focusing more on cross-training than running the past two weeks.

There are two races I’m interested in this month:

1. 5th Annual 5K’s of Christmas Presented By the Carmel Running Club

  • Date: December 17th
  • It’s very close to me.
  • I love running the Monon Trail.
  • The Carmel Running Club is new and I might want to get involved.

2. 7th Annual Race to the New Year

  • Date: December 31st
  • Even closer to me.
  • I’ve been running Cool Creek Park all summer.
  • It’s a great exercise before I attend any New Years festivities.

I really need to decide by Monday and register. Thoughts? Suggestions?

Bat-Shit Crazy Robin

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I woke up Monday morning with plenty of time to make the 8:30 Step Plus Abs class at the gym. Instead, I decided to finish up a freelance project I had to have done by the afternoon. This actually was a good decision because it took longer than I had expected. I would have been pushing the deadline if I had worked out in the morning.

Instead, I went to Step Circuit at 5:45. Step Circuit is step combinations plus weight training. The instructor, Robin, said she wanted to do things differently this class: 30-40 minutes of step then 10-15 minutes of weights. Typically, there is a step combination, then weights, alternating the entire class.

Couple things to remember here – 1) I haven’t done step in MANY years. 2) The class is packed. 3) I’m dead in the middle of the room. 4) I’m the only newbie!

After the warmup and the first combination, I began to refer to Robin as Bat-Shit Crazy Robin (only in my mind, of course). I think this chick was making it up as she went along. I was good with the basics, wide steps, up-and-overs (with and without squats), repeaters. I even remembered the “I Step”. But then she added this Merry-Go-Round thing with a travel move – I was always the one facing the wrong direction, traveling the wrong way, starting with my left instead of my right. I seriously felt like I was just walking in circles for about 10 minutes; however, I did get a good belly laugh out of it!

I didn’t run after class because I was so worn out – more mentally than physically.

Tuesday I had planned to do a back-to-back consisting of Body Works and Kickboxing – two favorites of mine. Body Works is a low-weight dumbbell, high repetition workout. And wouldn’t you know, I get in there, all set up, ready to rock and I notice who our instructor is – Bat-Shit Crazy Robin. I was good with the warm up because it was practically identical to the Step class warm up. And surprisingly, Bat-Shit Crazy Robin wasn’t quite so Bat-Shit Crazy. It was actually a pretty awesome workout. Nothing too crazy, no Merry-Go-Rounds, just lots and lots and LOTS of reps which was awesome!

However, I was spent afterwards so I skipped Kickboxing. I’m such a slacker!

I may take tonight off or I’ll go see Bat-Shit Crazy Robin at 5:45 for another round of Step. That’s still TBD…